Would You Want to Read More? Asking for a Friend?
Writing thoughts. Would you continue to read after this? Asking for a friend. ;)
Shit is tough. There is no question as I sit here and realize it took me 44 years to begin writing again. I will never forget my third grade teacher, Mrs. Friend, saying that I was going to be a writer. I believed it then because it was the one thing I enjoyed escaping the world I was witnessing at that time. There was alcohol abuse by my father, a scared and unhappy mother, two older half sisters that were in their own world and one that bullied me because I later found out in life she was being bullied sexually by my father. Then, there was my little sister that seemed to escape it all and then, there was me, The MOUTH. The one powerful tool I realized I had at 6 years old. My mother passed away in 2016 and months before, her and I were reminiscing about how she said I gave her the power to leave at that young age. Seeing me at 6 years old standing between her and my father and telling him to get away from her and seeing my reaction when he lifted me up by my onesie up against this bathroom door off the side of the kitchen. I told him, “As God is my witness, I will never be with a man like you.” Yes, my mother remembered this because that day changed her life and made her brave enough to eventually leave a few years after. I never saw my father hit my mother or threaten to stab her from that day since. My mouth is powerful and I would later live a life where so many Motherfuckers from this day forward would try and keep me in my place. They just didn’t realize their place would be my foot in their ass. Yeah, power of truly caring about what happens to me, stepped in. Nobody in this world would ever make me their motherfucker. I was going to be theirs and I was and still am with all the truth that you my dear are getting ready to read. Now, sit your ass up and pay attention. It’s my turn to talk now. Those who can’t take the heat from these first words, close this book now and when your ready to not to be afraid of what the hell I am getting ready to tell you, I’ll be here waiting for you patiently on the coffee table, your basement in boxes or on the shelf collecting dust. Yeah, I will be your own personal truth you are now ready to face, the mirror and acknowledge your shit. I am not looking for followers. I am looking for people like myself that are ready to cross over instead of chasing their own assholes that even I I have done for years. When I started to look at that motherfucker closely, that’s when I began to live. I deeply care. My love is full of wrath and tears of pain and through all that darkness that has tried to destroy me, I lived and I am going to live forever.
Let’s examine the word motherfucker. Funny that I would even bring this up. Look up Dictionary.com and you will see that it says it means, 1) a mean, despicable or vicious person. 2)anything considered to be despicable, frustrating, etc. (used as a general expression of contempt and anger.)
Here, I am about to get philosophical because I do and I have no shame in this because words and the way they are used and how they are used, mean things to many different people it’s directed to. Why did they have to use the word, Mother in front of that? What does that mean? I look around and see the injustices of the women across this world and I am like, “Damn.” Makes sense in my world, but you don’t have to agree. I am looking at this closer because women on a whole have what it takes to change the balance of this world and create peace with it and yes, I feel we are being despicable because we have aloud our households and the men in them to change and control all the rules, and this to me, is bullshit and the reason why shit is out of control. So, when I say Motherfucker, I am saying it the way the definition I stated because most people have not sat down and examined their own ways in how they are contributing to what is not right in this world and why we can’t have peace.
Being a mother, was both my greatest sacrifice and accomplishment. I raised 3 men because that’s what they are. They are not who my father was or even ex boyfriends and husbands I had that did not have me for long. Hell, I was known as the NFL (Not For Long) in my world. As a matter of fact, I heard it so much, it began to cross my mind, but not my heart. I would not stop believing that the one twin flame was there. I Just thought all along that I need to be my own first before I can be anybody else’s. Life is what you think it is and everything that comes flowing through you is because you thought it that way or your circle that you are holding close to you now or that are no longer part of your life that left, or you left behind. You know that phrase, “choose your friends wisely”. They affect your life more than any lover you may ever have and this includes the almighty blood related folks you feel obligated to. How about undoing all of what you think is going on and must be and how about replacing it with all that makes you happy? Seems like a good concept, but most, if not all, are doing this. Look around you!!! We are here to serve others, not just ourselves. We are here to walk each other home. Our lives are manifested through others. You are a part of the prayer circles whether you realize that or not. I like to see us as one big huge complicated brain. A neuroscientist would get this because they study this shit and still are uncovering the mysteries of our brain. We are connected and our thoughts relate back to other thoughts that others are having just like you.
I am no doctor and nor do I need to be because, I too, understand the human body. The body connects itself the same way we are connected on the internet. It doesn’t stop and its constant. It’s energy. We are energy. Albert Einstein said, “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”
Knowing this truth deep down in my soul before I began to study it, made me so happy because I always believed that raising the best men that I saw for the world was indeed saving the world because these men love and honor me as their mother. They never disrespect me even when they disagree, we can talk about it and make peace quickly. Don’t get it twisted though, I had to go through some tough times and be tested through this. My sons gave me grief especially during their teenage years. It was hormonal as hell, but I never gave up loving them and standing up to them when I needed to. It all worked out in the end because even when I was not happy with what just happened, it never made me not tell them, that I love them every night before bed and even now that I get to text them. We are here to love and my search for the love that I saw missing growing and the type of love I saw with families that seemed to have it together, showed me, that is was possible because it all starts with me and loving myself and becoming a true change I want to see in my world and through my sons. I am seeing the possibility now that I write this, that there are many other women like myself that are succeeding this same message and its now time to form an alliance with each other and the men that they raised to stand with us.
We have become too divided with ignorance, hate, and the almighty EGO, but is it? Our thoughts will continue to create this world if we don’t stop thinking like that. What a world it would be if we all got on the same team and just talked to understand, hugged daily and being kissed on the forehead because needing to feel ok is what we all really want to hear, so why are we not doing this? ASK YOURSELF! Why AM I NOT DOING THIS? It all starts with you. When you become a change, the change manifests in others right before your eyes. MOTHERS, PLEASE stand up and stop being a victim, stop being the bitch, the enemy, the FUCKER, the world all sees that is wrong. It’s time to raise our sons to be the men we want beside us and to ASSIST in the PEACE we all want in our lives, but like I said, IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU. Trent Sheldon made that line famous to me and to others that follow him and get daily guidance and he is a MAN!!!!! He agrees with me. HE KNOWS!!! YOU KNOW TOO!!! Stop denying the truth that is inside. Stop falling for the hateful attacks that come at you. Follow it up with LOVE. Don’t fight the abuser attacking you. LOVE HIM and tell him everything will be OK. Stop being scared. You have been the despicable motherfucker out of FEAR!!! Fear is no longer an option. You have to ACT. Act in LOVE instead. Now, how do you do such a thing??? Next chapter please.