I Was Poisoned by a Toxic Friend
We all have so much to be grateful for. I will have to say that there are days that make that grateful list seem so small because life can throw us curve balls everyday. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I had a heavy heart! My mind went from what am I doing to who am I and what the hell do I want for my life? Are my prayers good enough? Do I have enough faith? Oh, and this one... I think I want to sell everything I own and leave. All of this spun out of control due to someone I considered a friend had some pretty mean things to say to me. I really felt like I walked into the Devil's house and he fucked me up. It made me second guess everything.
Here's an awesome quote attributed to Steven Winterburn “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” This couldn't be further from the truth and you know what is funny about this quote is my so-called friend told me they were an asshole. I will just paraphrase this other quote: when someone shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time and keep that shit moving. Toxic relationships can be easier to detect than friendships, but even in both instances, we make allowances and want to see the good in all people, at least, that is what I do. I wear my heart on my sleeve and yes I was beyond hurt yesterday if you can believe it. I was in and out of crying spells, my mind was racing and then I felt numb. The only souls that reinforced my spirit were a dog named, Floyd and their owners, Sophie and Kate. Even though Kate and Sophie had no idea what was going on due to my work as an Esthetician, the dog sensed it and he sat gently on the couch with me yesterday and stared in my eyes to let me know all would be ok. I believed him and took it as a sign from God. I read an article by Dr. NerdLove and I would like to share what he says on the matter of toxic friendships.
"Toxic friends, ....ruin your self-esteem and leave you feeling lower than a snake’s ass in a drainage ditch. They drain the life from you and leave you feeling miserable – especially about yourself and the things you love. Toxic friends will convince you that you are the problem. They’ll reinforce every self-limiting problem you have and encourage the worst sides of you… and more often than not, they’ll deliberately hold you back. They’re the friends who will try to convince someone who’s quit drinking to fall off the wagon or a happily committed friend to ditch their relationship. After all, why would they want to give up on their favorite punching bag? Who else is going to provide them with validation? Who can they inflict their drama on? Toxic people can’t abuse somebody with self-esteem and healthy boundaries, so it’s important to them to make sure that you never develop any." After reading this and the signs to look for, I knew that my answer was the right thing to do. I didn't ignore them, but I stood up for myself and told them why I wouldn't be their friend. Believe me, this was so hard because I love and cared so deeply for this person but after yesterday and believe me, there were other days before that I should have left them behind, but yesterday was when I had enough. My friend pushed me to the point that I know longer cared and finally needed to be selfish for once and care for myself. I will leave you this thought from Buddah: